Do you ever think you’re right? I'm talking 100% conviction you know you’re right. While this can be an advantage to move swiftly through projects, it can also be a hinderance to greater success. Now let’s add in some stress…that conviction can easily transform into stubbornness. Once we get into that headspace, the chances of success are reduced.

Putting this into a hospitality context, many of us who are drawn to this profession are passionate, bold, and opinionated. We charge forward with a strong sense of right and wrong. In fact, it is often this steadfastness that allows us to be great operators. We push through, we realize projects in the midst of adversity, and surprise ourselves at our strength. But all of these may be short term wins. In order to win the long game, it takes a different skill: flexibility.

The Check

The next time you are working on a project, notice how you react to others' feedback of your work:

• Was your guard up?

• Did your ideas or beliefs become more solidified and your convictions more resolute?

• Did you shut down?

This type of "strengthening" can be problematic.

When we allow those defenses to grow, we prevent innovative thinking and kill our chances of collaborating. While you are doubling down on your beliefs, you could instead choose to be flexible, embrace change, and create better solutions. At the end of the day, isn’t it the solution that matters?

The Definition

When we are flexible we aren't "breaking" who we are. We are allowing who we are to adapt to different conditions. A compromise, for example, is a not "giving up," it's adapting to ensure long-term success. If you feel that being flexible means breaking your sense of self you're missing the very definition of the word. We want to embrace long-term success through adaptation and avoid failure by stubbornness. There is an illuminating quote from Confucius that helps me put this into perspective.

Confucius demonstrates that flexibility is stronger than brute force. In fact bending ensures survival. Moreover, we are reminded that bending isn't breaking. The reed’s ability to bend is why it can survive the wind. The oak's unwillingness to compromise is why it cannot survive.

The Choice

In every moment we can make a choice: we can chose to be flexible or we can choose not to be. It is that simple. Every time you work with other people, you make the decision how to react. You may even start to notice your reactions before you say anything. You’ll feel if you are shutting down or staying open.

There will be times that it won't make sense to be flexible. I get that. Sometimes you have to hold firm. But consider how often flexibility will allow you to develop better ideas and improve your relationships.

Phrases Inflexible People Use

• "I've completed this project, but I wanted you to know what was going to happen."

• "I don't believe this is possible, we haven't done it this way we before."

• "No."

• "I considered that and didn't see the value."

Phrases Flexible People Use

• I hadn't thought of it that way, can you walk me through you reasoning?

• I recognize that we both have different proposals on this, but I think that means we could create a better one together, you game?

• That's an interesting idea, can I walk you through my thoughts and then we can see how to resolve them together?

• What if we reframed the question?

Flexible people use terms that encourage further discussion. Inflexible people are looking to shut down the conversation or make the other person feel less than.

The next time you are in a feedback scenario, you will have the opportunity to make a choice. Do you want to be the reed or the oak. If the goal is to have the best possible work, being flexible and engaging other ideas often leads to more developed and successful ideas.

Have you been in a scenario where you found it hard to be flexible? Let me know! @zjellson